Sunday, August 30, 2009

"Dekh ke mujhko haansta gaata...sadh gayi yeh duniya sadh gayi"

Well, The title is a line from a very peppy number of "Love Aaj Kal". But today I realised that when the girl sings this line she conveys a much deeper meaning than the obvious.

Tell me something...if you are a girl "How many times have you thought 'what will the others think?' before doing something?"
And if you are a guy "How many times have you commented behind a girl's back(especially a friend)?"

I wont get your answers so at least be true to yourself.

If you have observed the questions you would have understood what I'm trying to point out. This bloody world has always asked a girl to think before she acts; never a guy. Ever asked why? Or you thought it was way too convenient so dint bother to question it?

As a guy have you ever asked your mom to just be modest and not be too modern or hyper? Have you seen your dad do the same? Let me guess the answer is yes. And if its no, then probably your mom hasn't asked your suggestion as she already knows the answer.
As a girl also you would have done the same. But there is a difference.Why?

Frankly we live in a world full of MCPs. In our world its always about the male. And the image of an ideal female (girl daughter wife mother)has always been the meek, soft spoken, non-challenging person. In other words the "goody goody girl". But who decided this is what a good girl should be? You guessed it the bloody insecure males. Because they are so afraid that the lady will take over the reigns. Maybe all this is sounding very male bashy and done to death feminist speech like. So here is something that you can ask yourself and check the truth.

Every guy has his little kingdom, where he is respected and where he is valued. For example in college take the class you study in. All is well in the world because its a class full of guys, all are best buddies. Then two girls enter the same class and sit in the first bench. In the class one pretends as though she doesn't exist while the other interacts in class. Whom do you roll your eyes at? What do you call her? Showoff? Know it All?
They are new so after the class is over the active one approaches you for your help and asks you for your number. Do you hesitate? Or do you give yourself a mental hi-fi?
After she leaves do you tell your friends the truth or you just give them "that look" as though she was falling all over you?
She calls you first. Do you decide she is desperate? Do you go announce to your friends that she called you or ask them to come over and listen to your conversation?

In an informal gathering there are some inappropriate jokes cracked. The meek one shies away while the bold one just has a good laugh along with the others and forgets it. After the gathering when you are with your buddies what do you say about the bold one? That she was a sport? Or that she was being cheap and vulgar?

I'm sure all of you have gone through one of these situations. Just recall how you reacted then. Now tell me, what did she do wrong? Was she actually being cheap or just not fitting into this preconceived notion of the "good girl"? What was her mistake that made her the subject of your criticism? Who the hell are you to even judge her or criticize her? Do you fit into the ideal male, "good boy" category yourself? Are you wondering what in the world is that?

Even for the girls who haven't been the outgoing ones. How many times have you considered the bold girl as cheap and unfit to be one among you? Why? Was it actually her behavior that disgusted you? Was it the notion of "appropriate behavior" so deeply ingrained in you? Or was it plain jealousy that you couldn't do what she did?

I say she is not wrong at all. It is your mindset, a mindset as archaic and outdated as the evolution of this male chauvinistic society. So all I'm trying to say is next time you are about to say something or form an opinion about "that" girl think again to see if you are being led by an archaic train of thought. Because if you are then you are the misfit not she.

16 comments:

Shruti said...

This concept is so ingrained in society that even guys who claim to be your best friends are afraid of being seen hanging around with you 'cause they're afraid of what everyone would think.

Psaffy said...

true!!! If a girl drinks or smokes or talks to more than one guy, there are loads of assholes who would say she is a bitch and all.. And it is not something unique to IITians.. Such practices exist in every college.. People just can't accept girls being cool about certain things..!!

IITians are a higher class of MCs... So all I can advice you is, "IGNORE THEM!!"

P.S: A person who takes double meanings out of simple words and calls others cheap is the actual cheapo!!

Psaffy said...

@ Shruti:
If such a thing happens, then you should probably think whether you should even being friends with such people..



@ Gen comment:
Ask "everyone" to go sodomize their dad!! :)

avinash said...

good blog........all you said happens and must say we are stuck up in a society like that....
more so in the case of IIT because of the extraordinarily skewed male female ratio....
this thing is beyond drinking or smoking.... its about treating everyone equally without any prejudice

kay gee said...

that's some male bashing by a staunch feminist!
i respect your opinion because you must've experienced such situations but i neither relate much with it nor agree with it. the problem in our college is the skewed girls/boys ratio. the lack of interaction between the two sexes begets misunderstanding.
also, i'd like to call you way too cynical in the post, even at the risk of being labelled as another MCP.

p.s.- if you ask me, my answer to most of your questions in the post is contrary to your expectations

kay gee said...

@ PD

same thoughts!
Hi, btw!

Aniket said...

It's very true. And sadly, we cannot boast of the insti being 'enlightened'. Just like any other place, this one is a sad reflection of the society as a whole.

Being a guy in the guy-dominated place, be it the insti or the world, gives him a certain kind of security, that he may find like-minded "archaic" souls to laugh and jeer when he makes any comments about gals who try to compete and make their presence felt.

As you said, these feminist speeches have been done to death. Why do they still evoke non-negating responses, as is evident from your comment section?

The sad part is that most guys do not know that they belong to the such category. They must learn to mature from the opposite sex. Manliness is not about not caring for petty things, but about making sure even petty things do not go wrong. May have diverted off topic, but many things deserve similar thoughts.

This may also not relate (and may appear as a defense of males, but it's not), but you can give it a read.

Sirisha Kurada said...

@KG

My point was not to blame someone. I just wanted to bring out a point that has been grossly under rated always. As for sounding cynical. Well couldn't help it as it was a lot of pent up frust coming out.

@Aniket

Well that's true. I'm not a feminist. But I can lie down and take everything without a protest. So the blog...

@Everyone

Thanks for your comments.

Shruti said...

@ KG: You are the exception. the majority, not only in this campus but even elsewhere, would fall into the mentioned category. You can't deny that

Twilight Fairy said...

Honestly, a few months ago I would have agreed with you.. But one of the best things abt IIM (my exp so far), nobody judges you. It can be anything, drinking, smoking, boyfriends, too participatory in class. But there is no judgement. Co-ed hostels is probably the reason for this even though the sex ratio is only a little better than in IITs.
(But I'd any day be more proud of my IIT tag than my IIM tag :) )

Anuj Choudhary said...

Don't know what to comment but ya it was a shock for me when i set foot on the college grounds. I had imagined a totally different place in my mind. MCS is just one of the thousand issues with a common origin : Lack of maturity.

The problem is that writing it here doesnt make much difference either because most of the reader-commentership doesn't belong to the sick society of IITM!!

Grow up guys!! If not for heaven's sake then for ur own!!

Hetero sapien said...

Hmnn. Never really thought of it that way.

pushkarini said...

Lol at Do you fit into the ideal male, "good boy" category yourself? Are you wondering what in the world is that?.

Ashtung said...

two kinds of the 'MCPs' come to mind..
the first ones are those you have no contact with and what they say or do, u shouldn't care...
the others are your own friends.. what do you do then??? I have seen girls still stick to the bunch in spite of all they say and in fact enjoy their company more...

The reason for such judgments, hence,is not always 'taking over the reins' but the lack of self-respect...

yuva said...

Hmm Yeah ... I too encourage the girls being bold. They too should drink, smoke or do whatever they like. Why should they miss all the fun ?

But only thing that hits me is If girl is replaced by boy and vice versa ... The blog would sense the same...

Bindu Upadhyay said...

This is so so so true.. :) ;) do u think guys wil ever give a thought to such issues?? :( i hate MCP's.. too many in IITM.. :p