"Dekh ke mujhko haansta gaata...sadh gayi yeh duniya sadh gayi"

Well, The title is a line from a very peppy number of "Love Aaj Kal". But today I realised that when the girl sings this line she conveys a much deeper meaning than the obvious.

Tell me something...if you are a girl "How many times have you thought 'what will the others think?' before doing something?"
And if you are a guy "How many times have you commented behind a girl's back(especially a friend)?"

I wont get your answers so at least be true to yourself.

If you have observed the questions you would have understood what I'm trying to point out. This bloody world has always asked a girl to think before she acts; never a guy. Ever asked why? Or you thought it was way too convenient so dint bother to question it?

As a guy have you ever asked your mom to just be modest and not be too modern or hyper? Have you seen your dad do the same? Let me guess the answer is yes. And if its no, then probably your mom hasn't asked your suggestion as she already knows the answer.
As a girl also you would have done the same. But there is a difference.Why?

Frankly we live in a world full of MCPs. In our world its always about the male. And the image of an ideal female (girl daughter wife mother)has always been the meek, soft spoken, non-challenging person. In other words the "goody goody girl". But who decided this is what a good girl should be? You guessed it the bloody insecure males. Because they are so afraid that the lady will take over the reigns. Maybe all this is sounding very male bashy and done to death feminist speech like. So here is something that you can ask yourself and check the truth.

Every guy has his little kingdom, where he is respected and where he is valued. For example in college take the class you study in. All is well in the world because its a class full of guys, all are best buddies. Then two girls enter the same class and sit in the first bench. In the class one pretends as though she doesn't exist while the other interacts in class. Whom do you roll your eyes at? What do you call her? Showoff? Know it All?
They are new so after the class is over the active one approaches you for your help and asks you for your number. Do you hesitate? Or do you give yourself a mental hi-fi?
After she leaves do you tell your friends the truth or you just give them "that look" as though she was falling all over you?
She calls you first. Do you decide she is desperate? Do you go announce to your friends that she called you or ask them to come over and listen to your conversation?

In an informal gathering there are some inappropriate jokes cracked. The meek one shies away while the bold one just has a good laugh along with the others and forgets it. After the gathering when you are with your buddies what do you say about the bold one? That she was a sport? Or that she was being cheap and vulgar?

I'm sure all of you have gone through one of these situations. Just recall how you reacted then. Now tell me, what did she do wrong? Was she actually being cheap or just not fitting into this preconceived notion of the "good girl"? What was her mistake that made her the subject of your criticism? Who the hell are you to even judge her or criticize her? Do you fit into the ideal male, "good boy" category yourself? Are you wondering what in the world is that?

Even for the girls who haven't been the outgoing ones. How many times have you considered the bold girl as cheap and unfit to be one among you? Why? Was it actually her behavior that disgusted you? Was it the notion of "appropriate behavior" so deeply ingrained in you? Or was it plain jealousy that you couldn't do what she did?

I say she is not wrong at all. It is your mindset, a mindset as archaic and outdated as the evolution of this male chauvinistic society. So all I'm trying to say is next time you are about to say something or form an opinion about "that" girl think again to see if you are being led by an archaic train of thought. Because if you are then you are the misfit not she.

Ever managed to sing the same song for more than an hour just because you wanted to learn all the nuances of the song?

Well, I just did that. An awesome song called "Can't Fight the Moonlight" by LeAnn Rimes. Heard it for the first time while I was watching one of my fav movies and was surprised I didn't spot it before. So I go out on this song hunt and found one of the best versions of it. I dont pose to be an expert in music but any lame guy would tell you its not an easy song to sing. Especially the way the pitch keeps changing in every other line... boy oh boy!!!! So although I might never get to sing it in public I decided to learn it just for the heck of it. Atleast it will tell me how far I have to go. Here is the song for you. Enjoy!!!

Ok. So I have been dragged into breaking my habit of plogging(poetic blogging) as I have been tagged. Well I would have ignored it but considering the fact that I'm as busy as a dead fish right now I decided to give it a shot. Besides it was books .....I can't pass on that.

Coming straight to the topic. Well must say I read my first novel in 10th standard and then it continued. I'm more of a fiction person. So my top 15 books (in no particular order)

Harry Potter series: Well, HP and sorcerer's stone was the first novel I ever managed to read...more like devour. I wasn't a book person but an old friend of mine practically thrust it into my hand so I read it. And boy, till day I thank her for letting me in on that magical world. And don't roll ur eyes at me. I am a kid. :)

Anne of the Island: Actually the whole series of Anne's journey through life from green gables to marrying the guy who called her carrots in schools thanks to her red hair. Awesomely sweet. Boys keep off. Its a girls thing.

M & B's: My hostel nite vdo says it all. I am a huge fan of M &B's. Come on its not every day that you find a very sweet lovestory where the guy and girl finally have to meet. :P Life isn't that sweet people. You might as well live it in a book.

The prophecies of Notre Dame: It kinda caught on with me after 9/11. But I must say it is quite fascinating to read all those predictions he made years ago. Makes actually wonder and believe that prophacies do come true.

Angels & Demons: Phew! That's the only word. Shear brilliance in the narrative. Its one of the major reasons why I will go to Europe (which I will). Follow the path of illumination. ;)

Da Vinci Code: Continuing in the same breath. Although I read this first, Angels &Demons is way better. But no denying the fact that after this book all of us did take a peak at the last supper painting. I even had a calendar print of Monalisa framed and hung in my room. Coming from a missionary school boy do I look out for all the subtle signs in every church I visit.

How to Read a Person Like a Book: Don't worry I never mastered it completely. Its a generalisation of body language and certain gestures used by people which convey their true emotions. Now you dont want to be caught sending out a wrong signal to someone important right?

Gossip Girl (Yes! the book): Although the series is amazing you cant deny that reading a book is a completely different experience. Cant say it tops the list but yeah it is somewhere there.

Best Laid Plans (Sidney Sheldon): Quite a gripping novel. I couldn't imagine myself finishing it in a matter of 2 days considering I'm a very very slow reader. The tale of how a woman achieves the unthinkable just driven by vengeance. Although the story proceeds beautifully with a murder and all the end kinda falls a little short of expectations. All in all a very good read.

Blood Line (Sidney Sheldon): Pharmaceutical Industry, young heiress,blood-thirsty dealers, money hungry relatives, one childhood fantasy man - to trust him or not to. That about says it all. I remember it as the novel that saved me on a 48hr long train.

Short Sayings by Vivekananda: Just plain and simple - totally inspiring. After reading these u just want to get up and go grab that world by its collar. See if you can get it the next time u see a ramakrishna mission store. They are practical to the core.

Reader's Digest: The age old series of magazines. A habit inculcated by my parents actually. Every issues I would wait to read the cover stories. There was one in particular called "Lost in the Sea"- a true story about a woman who went fishing with her son into the sea and was hit by an unexpected storm. How she managed to save her son, swim some ridiculous distances and lived to tell the tale formed the rest of the story. I taught me one thing, that story, Perseverance.

Well next up the best of the best. My top Three books (Drum Roll!!!). I can never put them as #1 #2 and #3 but these three books are something I manage to suggest to anyone and everyone who would listen.

a. A Thousand Splendid Suns: This book by Khaled Hosseini follows the life of two Afghan women through very dark times. Well before u cast it off as an emotional tale, it narrates beautifully the political situations that lead to the taliban take over and tell me if u dont have goose bumps when u read about how the women were treated during taliban rule in Afghanistan. Be it the time when one woman loses her family and love all in a blink of an eye or the time when the two women manage to escape from home, without a man, only to be caught. I just cant imagine what they would have gone through. And by the time you reach the end of this book you will feel as though u have lived the entire story. I have the movie playing in my mind even when I write this. A must must read.

b. Pride & Prejudice: Yeah Yeah! We've heard it and seen it alright. But you havent read it then u surely missed something. The peppy dialogue between Lizzy and Darcy or the moment truth dawns upon Lizzy or when proud Darcy amazes Lizzy by "being able to insult her and express his love for her all at the same time". Truly a classy classic that deserved every bit of acclaim it got. It was my second novel.

c. The Godfather: Last but not the least.....The book about a man who "makes u an offer u cannot refuse". Don Vito Corleone and his offspring. Really, everyone knows the story but if u watched the movie first then man u've ruined ur experience of the book. I was so fascinated by the intricate ways of the mafia or more like the sheer power they wield, that I used to wish I could be transplanted into the story as, if not Michael Corleone himself, atleast his gun man(gun woman?). Simply Superb!!!

So hope u liked my list and if u havent tried any of my top three books I urge u to read them right away.

I don't have as many as 15 friends who blog so I'll just pass it on to a few people namely Sravanti, Kartik, Mayank, Debanjan and Apurv. And thanks to Shruti, who tagged me, I got to relive my best books.

There's a wound that's always bleeding, There's a road I'm always walking.....And I know We'll never return to this place........

Just that there are some things about which you can never say " Its ok, let's move on"

I dunno where it went,
I dunno where to go

To seek it and find it
Or just look no more

Sometimes it scares me
Sometimes I'm in tears

But the question never leaves me
Haunts me, biggest of fears

Where did I go wrong
What did I mess up

Did I do it at all
Or was it just a mix up

Hate this feeling sitting here
Hate to think of the past

But cant hate anything
more than I do myself to the last

Right now I'm confused
Right now I know I am a reason

Right now I could cause to break
A friendship that's seen a bad season

I hate being an outcast like this
What have I done to be shut out

Have I not been there enough
Enough to be trusted w/o doubt

Then why do I feel unwelcome
Then Why do I feel I have betrayed

Then Why do I feel I misguide
I always have let ppl be strayed

I don't deserve to be a friend
I don't deserve the care I get

I dont deserve any respect
I should die alone to pay the debt.

The Metaphors people use......simple and subtle or in the face ...... they help bring things into perspective.....help to break down life into smaller blocks....smaller is easier to understand.



Call life a jar.....then golf balls, goals would be
worries, as pebbles and sand,you see
Let wine take the role of society

Let an empty jar fill with wine
there is no place for your golf balls or mine
What a waste of a life so fine

What if the wine has filled the jar
you cant get rid of any so far
just drop in your golf balls to spill it over the bar

Let pebbles and sand fill all
You'll be walking on the edge waiting to fall
so burdened you can never stand up tall

So fill ur golf balls and
they'll fall in place , pebbles and sand
let some wine slip in to give you a hand

The more you try... the farther it goes
Frustrating you may think....
But something like that is happeneing...
God knows what I can do to set it right
Doesn't seem like I have been a good girl
Or I have been exceptionally good
So he gives me more than what i ask for
I try to help to lessen the pain...
What to do I am no good...
I dont know if the pain will go
if I'm there or if I leave....
Either ways it isn't any better.
Well is it worse one way atleast?
I don't know even that....
Must be the worst helper ever..
Dunno what to do...what to say
One moment for a lifetime....
One life destroyed...one life restored...
To speak out or not....sleepless nights
For all of which I am responsible...
But probably not guilty
Memories and dreams... or
Life and reality... which is easier
Which is tougher... is it ever easy?

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand,
When everything's meant to be broken.........

What's the point if everything was meant to be broken....... I believed it could be different but again I've been proven wrong.

Every time I dare to dream...
A dream? Damn it was true
I lived what I cherished....but
It had to be broken... thats my cue

To act my part...to smile the goodbyes
Well so be it ....whats gone is gone
When will I finally let go of it?
The answer will soon, upon me, dawn.

This I hope, coz I stopped wishing,
This I ask, coz I never will dream,
To speak out, I must and will learn
But sometimes I'm unheard when I scream.

And yet sometimes there are things
Which even spoken aloud, are ignored.
Things which are better left alone
But things which have to be poured.

So good friend time has a way to handle
All things that go awry and bad.
Anger may need to be taken care of
All to save today, to be more glad.

Time.......... I'm waiting..........

And I don't want the world to see me,
Coz I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything is meant to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.......

Wonderful and haunting lines.....

Sung by one, Read by someone,they just found a place in my heart.
Everytime I hear that song, my heart flies and sinks
A different time a different place I find myself in,
A pain from long ago, my heart drinks.

Once the stone you're crawling under is lifted off your shoulders,
Once the cloud that's raining over your head disappears,
The noise that you hear ....is the crashing down of hollow years.

Taste with eyes.... a term I read somewhere....
Eyes were meant to see and tongues were meant to taste....
But I suppose I'm wrong...coz everyone there
Seems to appreciate that it is .....called "taste"

Head is splitting while I try to figure out,
How could I be wrong for saying,
"A spade is a spade"- without a doubt,
Everytime I was right, my mind is saying.

Cause and effect - thats logical,
But a blast without any agitation?
Thats surprising-disorder without a radical
like cure without medication.

I talk in cryptics - thats the order of the day,
When what u say is twisted beyond recognition,
You wish you had that one friend if u may,
The one who wrote the screenplay and gave direction.

Climbing out but trampled on,
Cut me up in pieces,
Punish me for what I was made,
Make me hate this very breath,
This beauty of my life has been turned upside down,
By one mistake I made ages ago,
I was not wrong in being born,
Then why am I being punished for being me,
Wish to end this strife,
But seems like it will end with this life,
So whats my mistake?
Not conforming to someone else's picture of who I should be?
For being the me who could prove "him" and his ego wrong?
Climbing walls in an endless circle.....
Screaming out till my blood curdles.....
Punishing myself to lessen others pain.......
And still they wish to suck the life out of me.....
Guess what?...... they just succeeded!!!

Ok ... Think happy huh.....?

I'm confused....again i read a blog. Wow man....whats happening in life....senior batch at college....loads of work and tension mounting. Ever got the thought.... "Am I good enough?".... Its been haunting me for quite a long time now.

Am I good enough?, I wonder now
Wonder if I will ever be ready
Make it to the top, how how how?
This tottering pile isn't enough, steady
Nervous so much on the inside
Trying so hard to keep my face
Looking through closed eyes open wide
I'm trying to find that trace
I can't be the only one? Can I?
So worried I could be sick
Why cant I, this feeling, defy
Get out and do the trick.
Why not be the one you are?
Who am I?, I enquire about
The people who think they know me by far
If they knew me they'd stand in doubt.
Am I wrong? Or are they?
I dunno where I stand
Do I know me or do they?
Well I'll leave it to time and.....

No Poems today...
For once I shall try my hand at prose though I don't write that well. :P

Well i dunno what happened today morning I woke up read a lil something and my entire mood changed. My emotions seem to be just churned in a mixer. Just felt that all thats happening now.....was it even worth it?? Cryptic huh?

Picture #1 : You like someone's company but are not allowed to spend time with them. So you fight your way out to spend time and get some momentary happiness only to cry for hours later. And some years later you realise that all that fighting wasn't really necessary because you have a lifetime of such good times lined ahead.

Picture #2 : Your very good friend, with whom you've spent countless hours, whom you cared for, whom you shared a lot with, stops talking to you. You reach a point where you cant even stand in the same room.

Picture #3 : There is someone around you who has been observing you for years now but has never talked to you thinking you don't need them, when all that you needed was a friend like them. And you are completely ignorant of the fact that they have been watching you.

Picture #4 : You meet someone you have seen for years. You talk to them once and you like them, while you might have avoided them for all those years thinking they are some weird jerks. And then suddenly you realise that you hardly have any time left with them. You reprimand yourself for not talking to them before.

Picture #5 : You are packing your bags to leave the place where all this happened and in a poof all these scenes are smoke. All the things which were so important to you till then that your life revolved around these seemed like just a lil part of a larger picture. Its like someone turned off all the spots and turned houselights on.

I'm just in that state of mind where I have seen picture #5 happening around me. I just stopped in my tracks. Maybe its too early for me to comment on anything about that picture but I just can't help but see that every scene that happened has changed me, my life and my story. But is it worth all that attention and time it got? Maybe it did. And then maybe it dint. I'm totally in a daze right now. Lets hope that when my time comes I'll be a lil more clear about these. But i guess I will always regret not speaking to some people earlier. Because what could have been years has now boiled down to months and weeks.

Well, enough questions spinning my head for the day.....I shall shut up now.

I'm feeling....VAGUE
What is Vague?

Lets see....now thats vague....I'll write something else vague....Dunno when I wrote this but here it is...see its vague....
OK enough of vagueness



The sun sets slowly, is he reaching out?
Maybe its my mind playing its tricks again....
Does he not want to leave the skies?
Why do i see and feel so much pain.....
Why do the birds seem like they cant cry any louder?
This sinking feeling its getting too much...
Why cant i cry with the birds?
these walls block out my voice, their force is such....
I'm screaming inside....But who would ever know?
I'm nothing but a mute to the passer-by.....
All in Vain, my efforts are, it seems...
I'm scratching the walls, to get out, I try....
The sun sinks lower, Is he escaping?
So that he can save face, at a later hour....
Or helpless, is he, after all his efforts.....
And does not wish to tell me, so is moving far....
Somebody stop me, I'll come unhinged...
Someone stop this hammering in my head...
Check for vital signs, revive me....
As frustration, sucks out life, leaving me dead...
Is the end, Of the tunnel, the darkness?
Why is my pain draining away so fast...
This is just the beginning of the end....
And now my body and mind rest at last....

I'm still wondering when or why i wrote it.
The circumstances are....
wait for it....


VAGUE
Cheers to this vague post

Its been almost a Year ....Wow!!!!! one whole year.....But it dint seem that long....
Why?.......wish I knew
How?.....wish I could say.....


She lost her alcazar to this enemy called 'Friend'......
How was she to know that this was eventually, an enemy, to become
A cherished time, with this friend, she did spend.......
The memories have now been burnt, killing all but some
Why did my life flip 180 in a few days?
Turning confidantes into foes?
For now, the world did, it seems, arraign her
But not one of those 'friends', did behold her woes
She screamed her honesty, her probity.....
All fell on, but deaf ears.
Her own, she thought who were, did not reach out.....
Did attaint her, than wipe her tears.
And when she thought in her despair......
Never again, will another I trust
A rampart to her thought, she found......
Coercing it, think again you must
Turning away she looked into a fog, a never ending mist.....
With shadows of accusations, with echoes of censure
A closer look and she saw, some hands lifted to point.....

But a couple more to comfort and embrace her

Glad, she was, to be looked at not vehemently.....
But also, for once, heard and understood
She seeked a comfort in the gaze, a solace in that embrace......
Even so, to her new foes, be unwelcome, this would
Now still she is attainted and disgraced.....
But, with this support, is stronger to face
The winds, so cold and yet so searing.....
Blown by a 'Friend'...... the word only fetches a grimace
This support.....should I call them 'Friends'?
The word has lost its meaning, the trust and charm
Still....Why do they feel so dependable......
They I feel, but know not why, mean no harm.

As i sit down to write something new....i just think about friends...and how lost i would be without them.

Frankly i was....so lost in everything trivial and everything that was nothing.To think of it

She was living but in a fortress,
Never knowing she was under constant stress.
Trying to prove everyone,
The worth of what she had done.
Staying in her fortress, in her shell,
Sometimes she used to dwell.
'Are all my inmates loyal?
Or do they praise me, for i am royal?'
She fooled herself into believing,
Its not a duty they are relieving.
Thus she lived, for years to come,
Remembering some forgetting some.
And then one day,upon her, it dawned,
She was all alone in this fortress,with its piers and pond.
What good sun,what bright light,did bring upon her,
You wonder, a revealation, a truth, for years, she did not see.
And then like a huge rock it hit,
That she knew not,who the word 'friend',fit.
Her world just reeled to a stop,
Someone had apparated inside her fort with a 'pop'.
And as though a spell had been put,
Her fortress withered away in a second,from head to foot.
Like a cocoon burst open, The butterfly flew,
Seeing and showing,everything she could and knew.
But then she stopped to look, the intruder she had feared,
With trepidation and doubt, even to battle she geared.
Alas!Her defences failed against the beauty at the opposite end,
And she atlast lost her alcazar to this beauty called 'Friend'.

One day of my life...!!!

I woke up to the breeze, cool and light,
Never knew what surprises were in store for me on this day,bright.
I said "Good Morning!" to my reflection and saw a smile,
Didn't know i would be smiling harder in a while.
I started my day, hoping everything would be fine,
Man!! It turned out to be better than any imagination of mine.
I stole a gaze at the stars, as I rode along,
They seemed like a protection, like a phoenix song.
The hunter shined above, in the middle of the night,
While the waiting began to see that breath taking sight.
The mischief king put on his mask,
He rolled up his sleeves and took on the task.
The sky filled with the first rays of the Sun,
Oh! Chasing those waves back and forth was so much fun.
And then he rose slowly, changing from red to yellow,
Leaving everything he touched peaceful and mellow.
It was the perfect beginning to a day,
Where all things just fell in place and what else can I say.

A friend of mine made me read a poem which inspired me and made me think....
It was so true and in front of my eyes,yet it took me so long to realise that life was calling......and where was I?

This is what I would call 'Coming back to life....!'

My life was what I had made it, a mess,
For i could see nothing but the sorrow and stress.
Somewhere down the road, I had lost my way,
Somehow I forgot to appreciate the singing birds and the enjoy flowers sway.
Now everytime I think of it, gives me a jitter,
How strange it is, for the only taste of life i perceived was bitter.
A mistake, I seemed to be making,
Every night I wished to sleep forever, without waking.
Am I so bad, I always thought,
A feeling of guilt i always fought.
People around me seemed worried,
The more they coaxed, the farther, from truth I scurried.
But oneday I stopped and turned,
Only to realise, this exile was imposed and not earned.
Things became clear and shined in a new light,
My life had seen dawn after a long night.
I wondered, 'Bitter!!!?? Was that me?',
The one, who for some fun, wouldn't mind scraping a knee.
I realised I was being stupid and dumb,
I was so 'not me',so lifeless and numb.
In life, planning and expectations, there will be some,
But I decided 'lets stop being disappointed and take things as they come'.
I came back to life, oh yes I did,
My life stood beside me and waited patiently, as I made my bid.
Still somewhere in the dark are lurking the ghosts of my past,
But now they dont bother me, for my sunshine is here to last.

Vivace of life....
Wondering what that means.....?
I think it is most befitting to call life a vivace for it is nothing but a piece of music to be played in a quick and lively way....

All of us have asked ourselves a question at some point of our lives...."Why Me?"
I dont pretend i have an answer, for i myself have asked that question...and then when i think again....there is no answer but one..."Why Not?"
Every little incident teaches u....every little experience enlightens u. And at the end of it all, how does the question help u? It is the experience that helps u,takes u through ur life.

In life learn to follow your dreams,
Taste all the sweet nectar and creams.
Worth is that life u live,
When u learn to give.
Help those who need u and think not twice,
But i dont say dont be prudent and wise.
You will meet people and friends you will make,
They will help u give a performance in life's single take.
You might bump into love on your way,
Make sure you persuade it to stay.
For once you let it go even an inch past you,
Though your heart bleeds, words to speak, you will have few.
Left behind will be so many shattered dreams,
That you will hear nothing but their cries and screams.
In the end you would want to call it a day,
And,that person would come to see you once ,you hope and pray.
But whatever might happen, life ends here and starts elsewhere,
So before the vivace ends, sometime u might want to spare.